What? Why didn’t they put him to work? All they had to do was add a snowblower attachment to the mower and tell him that the liquor store across town was having a hell of a sale. He would have cleaned the streets for free.

A man was charged with drunken driving after going through two bottles of wine, cutting through a snowstorm on his lawn mower and riding down the center of the street to reach a liquor store, authorities said.

Police found Frank Kozumplik, 49, homeward bound on a John Deere tractor Saturday night, toting four bottles of wine in a paper bag, officials said.

Now, instead of performing a community service, they have to spend resources to confiscate the mower, arrest him, put him on trial, convict him, either house him or monitor him, and for what? For operating a piece of machinery while under the influence, a piece of machinery that does not require a driver’s license in the first place.

I guess he’s just lucky they didn’t charge him for any crimes involving a deadly weapon.

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