Archive for the ‘Hilarious’ Category

I’m taking the night off to complete a big project I am working on. I’ll be back tomorrow, unless Swine Flu gets me.

With an economic crisis swirling and unemployment numbers climbing, one company declared Tuesday “free resume printing day.”

FedEx Office offered to print 25 copies of customers’ resumes free, including the resume paper, at any of its 1,600 stores nationwide.

Brian Phillips, president and CEO of the Dallas, Texas-based company, said it was the chain’s way of trying to help.

“We understand that the economy has affected many people in a very profound way,” Phillips said in a news release, adding, “Printing resumes is one small way we can use our resources to help those who need it.”

Tiffany Antin, a first-year accounting student in an online college program and a job-seeker in Atlanta for the last year, said she was surprised by the lack of a crowd when she took advantage of the offer.

“I really expected to see the line out the door,” she said.

There would have been lines, had anyone known about it. The key to helping people like this, is announcing it well in advance so people have a chance to hear about it. Then again, maybe they wanted to help, but just “not that much”. Who knows. I know I could have used the service. 25 copies of my resume would have been nice to have.

Did you feel the earth tilt on it’s axis yesterday? If not, you were not paying attention when Alan Greenspan was talking.

Former U.S. Federal Reserve Chairman Alan Greenspan said on Tuesday the current global recession will “surely be the longest and deepest” since the 1930s and more government rescue funds are needed to stabilize the U.S. financial system.

“To stabilize the American banking system and restore normal lending, additional TARP funds will be required,” Greenspan said in a speech to the Economic Club of New York. The U.S. Treasury’s Troubled Asset Relief Program designed to help bail out banks has been partially successful, he said.

If he said it, you know it’s true. He’s Alan “I got your stupid asses into this mess” Greenspan. If anyone knows, it’s him.

It’s amazing how well your company can do, and how much profit you can make when the government pumps millions of dollars into your books.

GMAC Financial Services said Tuesday it swung to a fourth-quarter profit as proceeds from a debt swap more than offset billions of dollars in losses at its auto-financing and mortgage businesses.

The financing arm for General Motors Corp., which provides financing for GM customers and dealers as well as home mortgage loans, also said its financial condition has improved since the government approved its application to become a bank holding company last month.

I wonder if my creditors will allow me to perform a debt swap. I don’t want it anymore, so I’ll just swap it with someone. Heck, maybe everyone. You all wouldn’t mind adding a couple cents to your already mounting bills from the bailout, would you?

Well duh. He had to freeze someone’s pay to help cover the cost of all the social programs he’s going to create. Those folks should be happy they still have a job.

President Barack Obama’s first public act in office Wednesday was to institute new limits on lobbyists in his White House and to freeze the salaries of high-paid aides, in a nod to the country’s economic turmoil.

Announcing the moves while attending a ceremony in the Eisenhower Executive Office Building to swear in his staff, Obama said the steps “represent a clean break from business as usual.”